I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
