her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
