it wasn't lemon gatorade
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
