Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
