why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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