Your dad touched me again.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
