im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
