Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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