I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
