just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i've created a new STD.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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