She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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