i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize