My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
