so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
