Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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