Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
3 2 1 whiskey
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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