She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
