Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
