tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
