The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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