arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
