Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
