well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
