Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
