Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
