I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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