either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
