This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize