i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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