I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
