i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
