They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
