oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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