Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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