I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I cannot find my penis.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
