im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
