One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she told me i tasted like america
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
