moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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