Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
