no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
