I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
