I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
