I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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