You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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