Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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