last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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