thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize