I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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