I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
