If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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