Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
