I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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