he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
