I just saw a hot homeless man
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
