At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
