I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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