I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize