I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
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