This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
