if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Nicole vs. Life
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I deserve this hangover.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
