someone get that fucking seahorse.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
