Porn is love you can see.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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