Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
