You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
