Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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