Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
