Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
