Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize