I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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