Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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