We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
