So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
