I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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