A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
