The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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