I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize