walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize