my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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