Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
