Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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