...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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