cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
