Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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