I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
