i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
