You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
