You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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