And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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