I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
