**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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