I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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