You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
