I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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