When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i love accidental penises.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
