weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
