Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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