If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
