you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
