I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
