Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i think my mom watched the whole time
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
