They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Did I show you my penis last night?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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