Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
