oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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