Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just blew my weed a kiss
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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