Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
