ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
